I’m not sure why we need to do it, but as women we feel the need to make sure other women know how hard it’s going to be for them. Instead of a supportive atmosphere with women saying, “Oh my gosh, You have totally got this, you are the strongest person I know!”
We often get comments like”
You may be thinking, well yeah…I hear these things daily, why is this a big deal…isn’t it could to be realistic and practical?
Listen…IT’S A HUGE DEAL! I just recently sat with a client who was near tears because she said she didn’t have one person around her who had ever had a natural birth, tried for a natural birth or even believed she could do it. In fact her female general practitioner made the comment “I don’t see this baby coming out vaginally for you, don’t worry cesareans are easy to heal from.”
Do you know what comments like these do to our confidence?!? This is an important conversation to have because as women, we need to remember that, while all of our stories deserve to be heard, we also need to make sure we aren’t scaring and bringing other women down in the process. I’m not being unrealistic, we are setting you up for success. This isn’t just about “what you think about, you bring about” this is about belief and what you actually think you are capable of. There is no woman out there that should be walking around with a healthy and normal pregnancy assuming she cannot birth her baby (without medical necessity coming to the table of course).
We have an amazing new mom group right now, there are women who had cesareans after labor, scheduled cesareans after a breech baby, vaginal births after a long induction, all natural rapid births, vaginal births with an epidural, vaginal birth after ALL the meds…guess what? There is not one woman in there making another woman feel like her journey was less than, in fact its actually the opposite…they all look at each other like they are in this together, like they got through it together and they take on the responsibility of each others healing, survival and empowerment.
This needs to be an open conversation because there are a lot of people out there filled to the brim with fear. The fear is coming from a lifetime of absorbing horror stories and witnessing movies and tv shows of screaming and trauma.
It’s our responsibility to reframe the story. Can birth be hard? SURE! Can it be painful? SURE! Is it more so when we believe it will be? HELL YES.
So, how do we do it? How do we take this responsibility on and begin changing the story? My quest for you all is to share your stories through the frame of empowerment and love.
I ask you to SHARE but empower the woman you are speaking to. Starting with the children and teenagers around that are listening and then each pregnant woman you see should at least get a moment of “You look beautiful, good luck with everything you are going to do great!” There is a fairly large chance that it’s the first time she has heard that through her entire pregnancy.
Comments like “It was awful, I’ve never been in so much pain” Lets try for, “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it was worth every minute.”
Focusing on, “My story was wild, I can’t wait to share it with you once you have your own!” and “You will never feel more powerful then the moment you start pushing.”
To the women out there feeling unsupported…FIND A TRIBE THAT LIFTS YOU UP! Show up at new mom groups where women have already done it, they will eat you up and be so excited to raise you up! If your family is making comments that make you feel like they don’t believe in you, don’t talk about your birth plan with them. Start a simple conversation about parenthood to avoid the topic all together. I always jumped to, “We are so excited to be parents, do you have any advice for our first few weeks?”
If you can’t find those people, EMAIL ME! I will find them for you =)